Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
