bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
