It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
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