Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
