someone threw a dead crab at me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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