Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
