Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
