wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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