My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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