Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
