I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
