You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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