Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
