he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Randomize
