T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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