we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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