Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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