You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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