my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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