Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
