I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
