remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
