***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
