Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
