I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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