On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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