i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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