so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
