my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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