i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
