You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize