When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
