I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize