haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
