I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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