just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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