A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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