Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
