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he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
