My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
