I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Randomize
