I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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