we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
