4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
