If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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