I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
