Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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