areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
