Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
