I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
