i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
