Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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