Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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