In America we eat man semen.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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