The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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