see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
