He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
