my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
