Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize