Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
