you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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