the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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