Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
accomplished twins. life is a go
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
