Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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