Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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