just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
