i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
