Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
