i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
