I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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