I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize