I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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