I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
