I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
