Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
