so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
