Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize