if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
