my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
