Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
