Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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