If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
