just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
