Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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