I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
