A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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